the past is the past...

Well divorce is a ugly thing. Even though my parents separated 17 years ago, still to this day I am dealing with the hurt of it. I've believed the lie that I was the reason for my parents divorce. I was and still to this day sometimes have been the middle person. Not that it was my fault. My dad hated my mother. I'm not sure for what reason, but nevertheless I had to be the mediator. Maybe I didn't have to be, but what was an 8 year old to do? I saw some nasty things back then. Never new someone so close to me could be so cruel to someone else so close. Anyway, because I was so young I did not know how to deal with it. So, I shut down. Nobody else could get in to hurt me again. I got good at hiding everything. Good at smiling, despite the fact that inside I was dieing. Dieing for someone to see me. Dieing for someone to rescue me. Since then, I met my rescuer. He has given me life again. I may have relived the pain, but He is showing me where He was. The whole time He was there. Now, I'm walking out forgiveness. Yes, it is hard. I love both my parents and would give my life for each of them. And I'm leaving the past in the past. It's time to move on...